What’s new at Trader Joe’s: Pumpkin Stuff, Duh

High Oleic Acid Sunflower Oil
High oleic acid content, high smoke point, high hopes. It turns out it’s just oil!

Green Frozen Bags

Apple Cinnamon Oat Bites
Arancini breakfast! Portable! These are little oatmeal bombs with a crunchy crust of breadcrumbs and sugar. I air fry them, of course. Note: They will leave greasy sugar smears all over your steering wheel, keyboard, or crime scene.

Organic vegetable bites
These look like beaver droppings, but don’t judge a book by its cover etc etc etc! This is a space-age snack of mashed vegetables, probably lots of potatoes, and three cubes of carrots, formed into a dense “bite”. You bite the bite, it’s very meta. I watched my partner pour sour cream straight into the container, put a bite on top and eat it, bite after bite. What a fright!

Frozen orange boxes

Mini spicy pumpkin samosas
Pumpkin isn’t always a pumpkin spice, okay ?! Sometimes it’s HOT. PUMPKIN. Which is even better. There is a lovely warmth in these crispy samosas and more importantly, there is creamy salty paneer in the filling.

Butternut Squash Mac and Cheese Bites
Whenever I eat Trader Joe’s finger foods, I imagine myself as a wedding planner helping the lovely bride / groom decide which apps to broadcast around their cocktail party. Because if I was the type of person who wanted to be legally bound to another human, I would like to start the party with some past Trader Joe’s apps. Nobody does better! * So I would say to the happy couple, serve the butternut balls with a compostable fork as they fall apart from the first bite, much like the fate of this marriage. They are always wonderful, don’t get me wrong, don’t forget the fork and a good avocado.

* Maaaybe Cheesecake Factory does it

Korean pancakes filled with sweet cinnamon
Hi, hotteok! The key to making them frozen is to let them thaw for about 30 minutes, then fry them in a dry pan for 3-4 minutes, but don’t overdo it or they’ll dry out and you won’t get that. soft and mellow texture that gives way to a sweet cinnamon inside. I like these.

Hatch Chili Quiche
Okay so this is a spicy quiche with a crust of corn tortilla chips. Creative! The second bite brought warmth, the third brought discomfort. The center of the crust was unfortunately soggy from the plastic tray it bakes in. Overall: really, really decent.

Breakfast sandwiches without egg bread
The perfect square of frozen American cheese, glossy yellow plastic-coated circles of egg patties, cornstarch and milk, is that Lego food? Turkey sausage cooked in that beautiful gray that only turkeys can pull off. Delicious. As satisfying and fatty as a McMuffin, without a muffin. I still don’t know why people are so afraid of bread, but if you know, don’t tell me.

About Francis Harris

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